So this is just a mock test on my end. Not for the piece on this website obviously, just for my life in general. Let's start with how I completely bombed the show yesterday. I didn't expect them to put me on the stage like that to perform in front of everybody. But this is how the show business goes around here. All that I have to do is learn how to work with the lines and roll with the punches. Normally, most of the time It's just me eating nothing but a bunch of broccoli. But they really can't expect me to eat broccoli my entire life, can they??? It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to go ahead and always trying to eat fucking broccoli. This is just my leap of faith on a different type of entry. Don't even worry about how it goes downtown in the DM's, it's more just about how well it plays out from here on out.
1st Entry: September 22, 2021
Congratulations!! Today marks the very last day of Summer. No more bugs and critters crawling everywhere. No more humidity in the air to the point where you can break a sweat without even moving. No more fine women walking in half-naked outfits just so they can get their tan on. The summer season has officially left the ring has just tagged in its partner for the rest of this match we call life. Personally, I like the fall season. For one; it's my birth month; two, super awesome sweater fits can be pulled out with all the threads that need to be shown off and all; and for three, pumpkin cider, apple cider, maple bacon things, and all the other flavored seasonal food that come with Fall. People tend to idolize the thought of fall with Halloween, red leaves, windy air, and the color orange. To be honest, I don't blame them. It's all those things and more. It's life's calm way of saying "The world is getting cold again". It's the soft yet subtle entry to what's really about to hit life. Icy weather, chilling storms, and things that'll make it so you never want to leave the warmth of your house. This is the way of life. I'm just glad that Fall is happening now... Thank you.
Next Entry: September 29, 2021
Today was a strange day following the events that happened yesterday. Monday morning, I showed up to work late with two rotten bananas in my system playing World War 3; Battle Ground Intestines 0. Then I made a few blunders at work with the admin process and got flack from one of the medical directors. Later on that evening, my car battery died on me while I was trying to leave my friend sierra's house. All because I wanted to watch Monday night football with my best friend like I do every Monday, karma decided to pay me a big visit. Terrible start to a week, following a terrible weekend. Why the constant line of terrible things you ask? I don't know. I don't know who I pissed off, who I cursed out, who I did wrong unintentionally, but it happened. I'm just glad that there's always some natural force out there to keep me in check when I become pigheaded. This is a time of my life where I should really be careful with what I do and how I do things. For example, I now remember flipping someone off on the road last week Thursday and something tells me the driver was elderly. I don't normally do that.....or at least at all. Maybe it could be from this astrology book that I've been reading simultaneously with a book about God's grace and meaningful verses to take from the Bible on a daily basis. Turns out that astrology is actually person-made (obviously) and was seen as a sin in the Bible. This entire time, God has been punishing me for reading sinful content that tells people who they are, what they're most likely to do and not do in life, and what they can accomplish in life based off of their birthday. Now I must power read through this book so I can give it away and move on with my life. All things go downhill at once whenever the punishment is justified. Hopefully, I live through each trial to come on here and write about it.
Next Entry: October 6th, 2021:
It's crazy how life is sometimes. When you get a new job it's the best thing in the world. You get to experience new cultures, work with new opportunities, and learn new things. Then the bullshit starts to kick in. The bullshit includes lies, member issues, miscommunication, entitlement, annoyance from within the camp, and terrible managers. Why are jobs like this? They advertise a good game so well just to get people sucked into working with them. All that just so they can hire people, fill up spots, and give supply to the demand. But what happens when the supply is bad? When the supply is bad, the ship sinks fast. There becomes nothing but stupidity and frustration. The camp burns slowly...The wet ones stay alive while the dry ones are left to burn to a deep french-fried crisp. This is so annoying at times, I swear. It wouldn't be so bad if I just learned to keep myself out of these messes. This is not what I signed up for; EXTRA EXTRA work for me to do, after already going to school to burning myself out slowly. This is not what I signed up for at all!!! But, now I have no choice but to stick with it. This is now something that I must learn to keep up with for the sake of being employed, making a constant income, being able to pay off my bills, and "contribute to society". All because society has "contributed to me". People are annoying, dumb, stupid, and racist. This is what causes the destruction of events, places, cities, and so much more. This is what I call the anarchy of anarchies.
Next Entry: October 17th, 2021:
A year ago today was the first time I started to speak to women outside my circle. Let's just say that it didn't really go as planned. Not only did I almost put both me and my best friend in physical danger, I almost lost sight of the one who ever really cared for me. People do and say bad things all the time. Life was designed for people to be different from one another. This happens with those you do know (close friends and family), along with those you don't know (complete strangers). "It's specifically up to you on what you choose to tolerate and not tolerate. You have the power to filter out the positive and negative energies that other people bring into the world", is what an assertive coach would say. I would know because I listened to the entire audiobook on How To Become More Assertive. Unfortunately for me, it's hard to pick up good habits and apply them in my life. I switch out happiness for financial pleasure and self-medication. But what's the point?!? I'm still left feeling the same way I did before I wasted my time doing the unnecessary. I still feel alone and sad. Work income doesn't bring you happiness. Material things don't bring you happiness. Knowledge doesn't bring you happiness, just insight. Nothing seems to contain happiness in this world but the things that come with perfect timing. Where does that leave me? A shell of an already broken down leopard. Nothing but roadkill waiting to be eaten by the almighty predator; Life!!!. I win some and lose some. It's never a constant one-sided result with me. Whenever I gain some good there's always some bad to counteract that balance. This is why I'm not happy and I don't think I'll ever be. For as long as this damn negative energy is in my life, I'll never be happy.
Next Entry: October 17th, 2021
This is a strange day for me as most days are. I realized that life is what you make it, not what others want it to be. There will be days when I'm uplifted and euphoric! Ready to tackle the world with all my goals and ambitions. Then, there will be days when everything seems gloomy and life feels like a constant boring recycling hamster wheel. These are the days that will make it hard for me as an INTJ-T/A to find growth and balance within myself. I must power on through. Yesterday, I completed the entire cycle of personal activities that are supposed to keep me fulfilled. That was the main thing I accomplished and through that, I felt happy. This is what life is all about. Finding happiness in the constant repetitiveness of life. I must learn to trust the process! With that comes finding peace in my religious teachings, exposing myself to new circumstances, and most importantly, becoming the good habits that I instill in my life. "You are what you repetitively do"; so many different ways that saying could be related to people in life. This is how grand life is. Move within yourself so that God's gift works for you and only you. Because guess what.....When judgment day comes, all that will be is YOU and the lord. No one else. Stay blessed. Amen.
Next Entry: October 23rd, 2021
So, today is a great day because I accomplished a personal goal that I had in mind for so long. This was a goal that some people (BFF) didn't even think I'd be able to accomplish. But as always, God continues to show both me and others around me that he does live through me and when you trust in him, there's nothing that he can't accomplish. I will gladly be his blind black sheep that will disturb the process of the sheep herdings. This is the best feeling. A feeling that I haven't had in a good while. It almost makes me feel very happy that I had so many people not mess with me for how I come off. It's their loss, not mine. Thank you Lord. Today, I'm gonna have to get a lot of stuff done so I can do what it is I personally want to get done. The workings from my inner mind, my readings that I attempt to do on the regular, the regular task that I do while I'm at my 9 to 6, along with my creativity will make me a behemoth in the field. This is the best time of my life. I got all the big boy toys and they're fully charged. Next up, credit splurge to make my dreams a reality. At the end of the day, we have all that we want already. There is no such thing as unknowing in this life. You musty choose your destiny. You must make it so that; there IS heaven on earth. Be blessed. Thank you, and I'll see all of you next time.
Next Entry: November 15th, 2021
This has been a rather long entry from the last time that I wrote a piece on my life and all the things that happen in it. I can still remember those amazing events that occurred on October 23rd and the events around that time. My birthday celebration was by far the worse time of my life. My family as always showed just how much they don't like me or my personality, so FUCK EM! (just kidding). I also realized how much I hate my job, how mean people are around the DMV, and just how dangerous I can be to myself at times. I'm still here though, and I'm breathing. Back to me being a danger to myself, I damn near over did it with those edibles...I've never been so afraid of the color purple before. But ironically, I was enlightened and open minded after that wild trip I went on. This is what brought me to a different understanding of life, that I speculate will make me less stressed. I can't fully tell from right now, but I see nothing but positive aspects on this route. I've been wrong 10 million times before; eventually you win that trial n error cycle. In regards to my jobs, I don't respect myself and that's why I continue to find myself in these terrible positions. I am demeaning and racist towards myself because I'm an IDIOT. I inhaled too many fumes from those cleaning supplies that my grandma forced me to be around growing up (different story for another time). Getting back to the point; I feel like with this new way of understanding, I'll be able to make more areas of my life more positive and less negative. I have too much negativity in this big head of mine and it's bound to explode at this rate. All I'll say for now is, I'll evaluate this new way. I got a good feeling about this...Until next time.
Next Entry: November 16th, 2021
Semen retention is a thing now, can you believe it? In the month of November kids under Gen Z are following a trend where you become abstinent from beating off. I never would've thought that they would be able to find something so productive and meaningful to do with their lives. These are really the generations of the generations when it comes to this stupid downward fall. I just had to vent there; this piece isn't about them. Tomorrow, I'll call off from my job One Medical so that I can secretly go on another interview for a major time law firm located within the DMV. Not to mention, it was only set up through a referral from my long time friend and college buddy S.A.M. Obviously those abbreviations stand for something but for the purpose of this blog, you'll never know who that is. I want to go into that interview with a positive mindset, built on being successful and opening my mind to brand new successes. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life and I really don't feel like making anymore. After awhile this shit starts to get frustrating. But all in all, this is the way things will go so that I can truly find what it is I'm looking for in life. Thank God for making things happen in my life and always finding a way to answer my prayers. This favor, I owe to him and all the mercies that he's blessed me with since I was young.
Next Entry: November 30th, 2021
So far we're almost done with the month of November and I still feel like I'm stagnant in life. Thanksgiving wasn't too bad because I spent it with family in Pennsylvania. It was great rekindling the old moments that I used to have with my older cousins from an older point of view. It comes to show that not all people are as bad (or smart) as you think they are when you're no taller than 4ft. Another thing I'd like to mention, is how blessed I am when it comes to my skills of being adaptable and flexible. I was able to enter the process for an even better jobs; jobs that will make all the other jobs look like Pipsqueak sandwiches. Work still sucks ass because most of the people I work with are childish as hell. But it's okay because I found out that there's more ways to look at life than the average black man. For example, I should start learning to be more grateful for the things that God does place in my life. I should be thankful for the clothes that I got on my back and the health that I got in my system. I should be more thankful for the counselor that I have in my life (everlasting God). But all this mindless guessing over what I can do in the future is tiring and unfulfilling. I can gain absolutely nothing from what I do right now. So for now, I'm gonna start looking towards the future with all my endeavors and wishes. Big projects to come from here on out. Best believe that I got bigger fish to fry now and my basket is full of bait. Salmon and Tuna here I COME!
Next Entry: December 2nd, 2021
There was a recent issue with the building I work at, where the pipes burst due to the freezing temperatures that come with the winter. This was something else that I couldn't fixate on too much because of the amount of uncertainty that was in the air. I live in the DMV, so that automatically means the nations capital is right in my backyard. I had to work at an office in DC under the company today. Each and every time I find myself in the city, I start to have remorse for why I ever decided to work in such an upscale place like Montgomery County. In Montgomery Country, they wont tell you they're racist, but they sure do show it. They show the entitlement, the ignorance, the stupidity, and the overall, the mayonnaise behavior. I can't get too mad at this type of lifestyle. It's not like I was forced to do this and it wasn't a final option. There's information about racist America that I still don't know and probably never want to know. No matter how cruel the world is, I must always remind myself of this one true fact. God is with me. He's never left me or forsaken me; even in this type of situation. The more I remind myself that I got him in my corner, the better my mental will be. In my opinion, all it really takes to be successful, happy, or peaceful in this world, is to know that God is on your side. God will forever be on my side and through him, NOTHING is impossible. I can see his mercies, even now. He knows my heart 10x better than I ever could. He knows my fears, my truths, my lies, everything. I must align my mindset with what I want in life rather than what others want.
To get back to the point, I'll return to this building seated in a racist stuck up county just to get my balls busted and to deal with female drama that I never asked for. Thank you Marquoi's conscience; You're welcome Marquoi.....You're fucking welcome.
Next Entry: December 16th , 2021
So, it's been a long while. A lot has happened since I've written on here. At this point, I only really add things to the post when I'm bored. It's good to know and feel like I'm the first ever person to create a living document. The documents that I can create are really good when I put my mind to it. Not to mention, I feel like a Rockstar when I flow with the typing, no miss ups or step backs from the messages that I type. The past few days have sure felt weird. It's like, there's no other way to really comprehend how somethings will go in the past or the future. It's only a few days before Christmas but I haven't bought anything because most of my attention is on a new Covid 19 variant.
And just like that, the world continues to keep you on your toes. I need to start recognizing my own potential when it comes from within rather than when I get pressure from the outside world. There's a lot of potential in this shell, I just got to find and unlock it. That way, I start to glow with the ember and aura that you see in fairy tales and fiction films. If only we were magical beings.....Actually no. The world is a cruel place and the death rate would probably go up. Just the other day, I had to read up on an article that covered theories of money bringing happiness. I know money can't bring you happiness because you can't take it with you when you die. The only way to really bring your life happiness is to be true to yourself, surround yourself with like minded people, do things that make you happy, and excel in it. Not only excel, but fully immerse yourself in the things that make you happy...For example, this blog. This blog makes me very happy. Writing / Typing things makes me very happy. With this blog, I'm happy to say that I have constructed a form of happiness. I'll continue to stay in the word as much as possible and continue to read things for personal development. But for now, some "Curb Your Enthusiasm", featuring creator of Seinfeld, LARRY DAVISD! God Bless.
Next Entry: December 19th, 2021
I've been asleep for four long years. I graduated at the age of 21. I struggled to find a basic job up until the age of 23. I got kicked from my job due to a national pandemic at the same age. I worked at a part time company throughout my 24th chapter. I left them to find more basic jobs...I'm now 25. Imagine graduating from college with a bachelors degree in business at 21, just to still not be where you want to at 25. The only difference is; I'm not where I want to be because of the economy. I'm not where I want to be because of myself. According to numerology (Yes I know it's a sin), the number 4 is my growth number. Four years from the age of 21 is 25 (21+4 =25), so this must be my awakening year. This must be when I start to realize just how drowsy I was this entire time. I start to realize what life really is, how life views me, how others view me, and how I've been viewing myself... I'm nobody's lab dog. I'm nobody's fucking assistant either. I'm not some dumb kid who just wanted to get by in school the easy way. I actually felt like I applied myself. I was one of the few who actually gave a fuck, and I got made fun of for doing so. Settling for this low, ignorant, ghetto lifestyle is only proving those who made fun of me right. I hate the stereotypes, the prejudice, the entitlement. I know if I really wanted to, I could fuck some serious shit up with this super computer in my head. But I'm such a scared little bitch, I haven't even turned the power button on......I think it's time I start to see just how it looks... It's been way too long. Thank you, and God Bless.
Next Entry: December 26th, 2021
Christmas is over. It was by far the weirdest Christmas I've ever had. Imagine celebrating the holiday on a weekend. It makes no sense at all. Not to mention it robs most people of a good holiday. It really boggles my mind. At this point I'm just getting tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Driving here and there, loaning money here and there; applying to jobs here and there, it's overplayed. But lets be honest....I got tired of the real world 1 month in. It's been the same thing over and over again. I just wish there was a way for me to not be so stagnant with life anymore. Viruses just made that 15 times harder. Now staying in the house is encouraged....great. Regardless I can only be grateful for still being alive. That's the only thing that matters. That's the best gift right now for the pandemic saga at least. Goodbye for now....
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